hihi been a minute since i sat down to write a blog post :] This might be the final post i make from vscode since i should soon have a dedicated external app to write posts on! it'll hopefully make it much more convenient to write and so they should become a little more frequent (hopefully). It's actually given me a lot of motivation to get back into html and im already planning some site changes.

I'm also hoping that the same handsome guy who setup the blog app might help me with some javascript for a webring i wanna set up wink wink wink ;]

I still try to treat this as a little personal diary and i like looking back on posts from last year and acknowledging how different i am. So yeah im doing great! like mentally i've only really been on the up and up for a while now, i socialise with all the people i love and care about a lot, i get a good amount of exercise, and i'm beggining to get back into the rhythm of uni work! I used to get so anxious whenever i felt good, like i was waiting for an inevitable end, but i've realised over the years that living by that mindset hasn't allowed me to take in all of the amazing things around me - i have so much to be happy about and i can truly say i love my life :] there are always gonna be lows and things that'll change in the future, but i think i'll be much happier as long as im holding onto how much i've got rather than anything im losing, and i hope that if future ellie is looking back on this that i'm still working under that mindset!

My next blog post should hopefully be from the app so im super looking foreward to writing it :3 thanks for reading if you did!

HI! i'm getting around to writing a blog post which i've been wanting to do for a while, i've been so swamped with uni work this year that honestly the thought of writing anything in a cathartic way ended up making me more anxious and stressed that i should be focussing on work. My dissertation is also creeping up on me so im attempting to get my brain into work mode but i just LOVE to play genshin impact!!!!

I had a pretty shitty start to the new year, it was very much a needed shitty start, but shitty nonetheless - my life seems to be making a habit of clearing out all of the negative things during january and then the rest of my year can be a fresh start, it's nice but i'd like a bit of warning next time maybe?? asshole?? Anyway on top of that stuff and work i got my ADHD diagnosis a few days ago now which has put me in a weird brain spot; i've always known it was there deep down, and i think this is inherently a good thing for my own understanding of myself, but i think im sorta in a mourning period if that makes sense?

Growing up my brother showed very clear signs of autistic behaviour, but he got a very late diagnosis because it was much more complicated to get a diagnosis 20 years ago. Me and my brother didn't get along, neither did he and my mom, and it was sorta just constant arguing between everyone for the first 13 years of my life. Since he got diagnosed i've given a lot more grace to him as a person, i know the root cause of his actions and i also understand why it was so frustrating for everyone, but im also aware of how much i missed out on as a result of it. I always feel like a bit of an asshole about it because we were both struggling and i appreciate that, buit the issue was that because i was struggling in a different way than my brother, by comparison i seemed completely normal. I dont think it's anyones fault, but i also wonder if i could've gotten help sooner if i had kicked up a fuss too. Because of that im now spending a lot of my alone time mourning the life i could've had. I was so talented before. Maybe once i get some meds i can be like that again idk, what i do know is im glad that i can finally be kinder to myself.

Im so much more aware of how my brain works and how to cope with it, instead of feeling like there was something inherently wrong with me as a person, i'm excited overall!! I'm thinking of getting a therapist while i try to work through things a little more but healthcare here lowkey BUNSSSSSS dookie from butt. i'll figure it out though. Anywayyyy long ass ramble over, thank you for reading this far if you did, be kind to yourself!! <3

Hello whats up hello whats up hello whats up hello!!! its been ages since i've written a blog post but i've been in the mood recently and i just finished writing an essay so now im in the groove of writing things :] Fortunatly i would say that the reason for my lack of updates is that i've been genuinly enjoying living and existing, not to say that i dont enjoy my website i LOVE my website, but i've also been loving going out and being with the people i love much more than i have for a while.

While it's not been constant sunshine and rainbows and lalala i would say for the most part my mental health has imporved substantially, which is something i hadn't expected over the winter months. I'm cracking down on uni work a lot more and im managing to balance that with doing stuff i really enjoy (i also love my course) which has just been putting me in a great mood overall!

Also merry christmas to those who celebrate! I had a pretty good christmas and had a lot of fun seeing my family!! my younger siblings live with my dad so i dont get to see them as much as i'd like but i love hanging out with them :]] Going into the new year i wanna get back into my website a little bit more, but im also aware that i have to write my dissertation in a few months so updates will probably be slower around that time. apart from that i just hope that this streak of happiness and productivity continues, and i cant wait for what the new year brings!!

Heyyyyyyyy...heyyy... i had a proper rant in my last entry but i was also on my period so we gotta take these things with a grain of salt. I try to treat this page as though it never gets read, it's anonymous and all plus i feel like if i imagine people reading it i wont be honest with myself, and i need that.

So, i've been doing some work the past couple days and managed to completely change the aesthetic of the website! i prefer it for the summer, it feels brihter and more me :] im considering making seasonal themes but we'll cross that bridge once i actually impliment more content. That is gonna be my next focus i believe, i wanna finish up the home page and then work on the sidebar content for this page - struggling with ideas to fill the space atm :/

In other news it's my birthday week! my birthday is sunday and im having a party on saturday which im very excite for - i share a birthday with my friend dio so im SUPER excited for that! it's been an incredibly busy month so far, emotionally and physically (theres also a giant heatwave rn) so in a way im sort of excited for my birthday to be over so i can just work on coding and listen to the magnus archives. i actually think once ive finished content here im gonna start on a shrines page heheheheheheh magnussss...MUCH TO COME!!!!1 MARK YOUR CALENDARS!!

Hello! First post super crazy style omg 0-0 super excited to be working on stuff - i feel like web design is so vast and personal so it'll hopefully be a good creative outlet for me! I only really started this website a couple days ago but i have to say i really hope the motivation stays the same :] approaching July is my birthday month (what r u getting me >:]) which often means the approach of a slight mental breakdown regarding my future and aging etc. My hope is that with a creative outlet and people around me i'll cope a little better hehe.

Considering everything i'm in a pretty good place - had some rough patches this month but i really feel a bit of a reset coming on this month. Aiming to clean my room too so hoepfully i can go into July completely fresh. I suppose plans going foreward and kinda vauge? getting the bare bones of the website working for sure, and hopefully adding in some ranty pages. My main interest is design and making everything pretty, but i'll try to remember content as much as i can!! Excited to see what i do hehe. BYE!